Spice Girls headlining Glastonbury ‘will end world’

IF the Spice Girls top the bill at the Glastonbury Festival, the world will cease to exist, it has been confirmed.

Experts have warned Glastonbury boss Michael Eavis that he holds the fate of the planet in his hands and urged him to book someone like Foo Fighters instead.

Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: “As the opening notes of Spice Up Your Life are vomited though the loudspeakers, we can expect the moon to turn blood red.

“Waves of lava will then descend from the heavens and everyone and everything will melt.”

He added: “As a society we have become so debased that we would even entertain the possibility of 2 Become 1 being performed on the Pyramid Stage.

“We will deserve our fate.”