EU Google Probe To Be Based Entirely On Google Searches

THE EU investigation into Google will involve doing lots of Google searches to find out things about Google.

Was it 006 or 007? Just ask

Officials in Brussels say the company may be abusing its dominant market position, but the only way they can find out for sure is to put ‘Google’ and ‘abusing dominant market position’ into Google.

A spokesman said: “We were going to do lots of interviews and ask for loads of documents, but it’s much easier just to use Google. It’s so handy when it comes to this sort of thing.

“Hopefully, somewhere in the thousands of results we will get from their incredibly good search engine, we will find some clue as to why they have been able to dominate the market so effectively.”

The investigation was launched after other search companies complained that Google was much more popular than them and that somehow it had been able to make a lot more money than they had, probably by doing something illegal.

Stephen Malley, founder of, said: “If you want to know the capital of France or James Bond’s code number then is the place to go. But where’s my forty billion pounds?

“All I am asking is that whenever someone types ‘capital of France’ into Google, then Google redirects them to my search engine and gives me five hundred grand. It’s about fairness.”

Google admitted that it failed to stop its search engine being much better than all the other ones and that it probably should have done more to give its competitors as much free advertising as they wanted.

A spokesman added: “Did you know that if you put ‘criminal waste of money’ into Google the first fourteen million results are about the European Union?”