L’Oreal ‘despises all women equally’

COSMETICS behemoth L’Oreal has confirmed that it treats women of all races with the same degree of contempt.

All the cash machines of the rainbow

The corporation faced claims that an Asian model’s skin had been digitally ‘whitened’ to make its pots of goo more appealing to wrinkle-fearing racists.

A spokeswoman for L’Oreal, which also owns the inexplicably-still-existing 80s thing The Body Shop, said: “In every nation there are self-hating women who think skin grease will make them look like Andie MacDowell in a big white shirt. It’s the reason why I have a really cool car.

“The only colour we care about is the lovely green of their cash.

“If any woman is stupid enough to believe that oil-based substances contain tiny space invaders made of self-confidence, we embrace her and her big fat stupid wallet.

“Black, white and Asian women alike all have beautiful psychological vulnerabilities which can be exploited for the purpose of goop sales.”

The controversial L’Oreal advert in Modern Self-Hating Woman magazine appeared to show flawless, glassy-eyed actress Freida Pinto with digitally lightened skin.

An industry insider said: “It’s a bit of a moot point as Frida Pinto is an entirely digital construct made in an afternoon on Photoshop, hence her lacklustre performance in Rise of the Planet of the Apes where her character’s voice was actually done by Maureen Lipman.”