Masters Of Universe File For Bankruptcy
THE masters of the universe were last night forced to relinquish control of their infinite creation and put all their personal items in a cardboard box.
The gigantic, all-powerful superbeings, to whom you are mere pawns on a chess board, handed their ID badges to security along with the little card that operates the snack machine on the second floor.
After a final day of juggling planets like tangerines, the invincible emperors of finance stole as many staplers as they could carry before getting the bus home.
Todd Logan, a master of the universe since 1997, said: "Do I get to keep my cell phone? You want that back too? Okay, can I at least keep the simcard so I don't have to change numbers?"
Logan said any universe that allowed a colossus like himself to sit around in his underpants all day eating cheese products and watching Crime Scene: Navy Crime did not deserve to exist.
"Since when does the free market apply to banks? I thought it was just for sandwich shops and major international airlines.
"Now I'll have to go to the store and buy tinned food and cleaning products. Who is going to moisturise my elbows? Who is going to sponge my ass?"
He added: "Avert your gaze mortals. I am your GOD!"