Media Demand New Words For ‘Snow’

THE National Union of Journalists last night demanded at least 12 new words for snow.

Bastard Eskimos are hogging all the words for floatynice, say experts

The NUJ has lobbied the Oxford English Dictionary to approve a range of synonyms including 'squibble', 'floatynice' and 'roadfucker'.

Wayne Hayes, The Sun's assistant editor (snow), said: "When you've written 500 words about the same thing for the 48th time, you soon realise the poverty of the English language.

"How can we have 127 terms for a skank's charlies but just one for white stuff that falls out of the sky? Perhaps we could give 'knockers' and 'funbags' to the Eskimos in exchange for a couple of  snow words."

Weather journalism in the UK has long been hampered by a lack of lexicological choice, with the same 'What A Scorcher!' headline being used during British heatwaves for the last 163 years.

But this winter has seen several tabloids repeating the same articles by feeding them through a computer thesaurus and adding a new photo of a driver standing next to an abandoned car looking cheesed off.

Hayes added: "I want to write 'Droppyice covers Britain or 'Boffins warn of further cloudshitey'. But those gayboy Oxford eggheads won't let me."

Meanwhile, the Met Office is warning motorists to make only essential journeys, on the assumption that millions of people want to sit on the M6 during a blizzard for no particular reason.