Business

Southern Rail improves dramatically after work experience kid takes charge

SOUTHERN Rail’s punctuality has improved by 68 percent after the franchise was taken over by a 16-year-old on work experience.

Cash in hand way better than 'rights'

CASH-IN-HAND payments are way better than sick pay, pension rights and all that other nonsense, tradesmen have confirmed.

UK businesses ‘not positive enough’ about huge meteor heading towards London

INTERNATIONAL trade secretary Liam Fox has complained that UK businesses are ‘ignoring the opportunities’ offered by the meteor set to impact central London in 2019.

Women disgusting, says Dove

WOMEN are icky and only our products can save them, Dove has claimed.

Osborne takes seventh job in Greggs

FORMER chancellor George Osborne has taken a seventh job serving behind the counter of Greggs in Romford, it has emerged.

Rupert Murdoch awarded BBC

RUPERT Murdoch’s News Corp should be given the BBC to do whatever it wants with, Ofcom has ruled.

Business bullshit ‘vital’ for people who are bad at everything else

POMPOUS business bullshit is vital for maintaining the self-esteem of people who are crap at everything else, research has found.

Prince Andrew opens his f**king mouth

PRINCE Andrew has only gone and opened his fucking mouth about Brexit, the disgusted business community has confirmed.

Nobody in meeting has f**king clue what it's about

WORKERS are bullshitting their way through an apparently important meeting despite having no idea what it is about.

Capitalists warn houses may become affordable to ordinary people

ECONOMISTS have warned Britain faces a doomsday scenario in which ordinary people on average wages would be able to buy their own homes.

Tesco launches pre-binned bagged salad

TESCO has launched a range of bagged salads that come already in a bin to save customers throwing them away.

Worker gets massive bollocking while seated on a bean bag

A MANAGER has bollocked a team member in the laid-back surroundings of their office’s chill-out area.