Business
McDonald's identifies potentially lucrative 'bereaved kid' demographic
A MCDONALD'S marketing meeting has decided that bereaved children will probably want some burgers.
Unpopular pub thrilled to be changing hands again
AN unsuccessful pub is sure that its fourth landlord in eight years will finally make everyone like it again.
I am never flying Ryanair again, declares woman for 13th time
A WOMAN has sworn she will never again travel with Ryanair, having sworn the same thing on 12 previous occasions.
Up-itself boutique gives final warning to friendly, helpful sales assistant
A SALES assistant who does not judge her customers has been given a final warning by a pretentious clothes shop.
Depraved animal doesn’t hope email recipient is well
A PSYCHOPATHIC monster has sent an email to a co-worker without expressing hope for their well-being.
We charge ‘bloody difficult’ people double, confirm tradesmen
ELECTRICIANS, plumbers and car mechanics have confirmed that if customers are ‘bloody difficult’ they pay at least twice as much.
Surfer rescued after 32 hours in office job
A ‘LUCKY’ surfer has been rescued after surviving almost a full week in a soul-destroying position in an insurance office.
Old fiver is ticking time bomb
BRITONS face a race against time to spend their old £5 notes while they are still legal tender.
Crazy bastard ignores warning about email having no subject
AN OFFICE worker has gone ahead and fired off an email in total disregard of his computer’s warning that it had no subject.
Blue Riband is the traitor's biscuit, say Brexiters
LEAVE voters have furiously turned on Blue Riband chocolate wafer biscuits to avoid losing face over Brexit.
Woman to get through Tuesday by reminding herself it’s nearly Wednesday
AN OFFICE worker is struggling through Tuesday by focusing on making it to Wednesday, after which there are only two more days until the weekend.