Business

I am never flying Ryanair again, declares woman for 13th time

A WOMAN has sworn she will never again travel with Ryanair, having sworn the same thing on 12 previous occasions.

Up-itself boutique gives final warning to friendly, helpful sales assistant

A SALES assistant who does not judge her customers has been given a final warning by a pretentious clothes shop.

Depraved animal doesn’t hope email recipient is well

A PSYCHOPATHIC monster has sent an email to a co-worker without expressing hope for their well-being.

We charge ‘bloody difficult’ people double, confirm tradesmen

ELECTRICIANS, plumbers and car mechanics have confirmed that if customers are ‘bloody difficult’ they pay at least twice as much.

Surfer rescued after 32 hours in office job

A ‘LUCKY’ surfer has been rescued after surviving almost a full week in a soul-destroying position in an insurance office.

Old fiver is ticking time bomb

BRITONS face a race against time to spend their old £5 notes while they are still legal tender.

Crazy bastard ignores warning about email having no subject

AN OFFICE worker has gone ahead and fired off an email in total disregard of his computer’s warning that it had no subject.

Blue Riband is the traitor's biscuit, say Brexiters

LEAVE voters have furiously turned on Blue Riband chocolate wafer biscuits to avoid losing face over Brexit.

Woman to get through Tuesday by reminding herself it’s nearly Wednesday

AN OFFICE worker is struggling through Tuesday by focusing on making it to Wednesday, after which  there are only two more days until the weekend.

John Lewis has no idea what 'Never knowingly undersold' means

NOBODY at John Lewis knows what its long-standing slogan is supposed to mean, it has been confirmed.

Bank of Mum and Dad bailed out by Bank of Nan and Grandad

THE Bank of Mum and Dad has had to call on assistance from its grandparent bank after a year of substantial losses.

HMRC website either hacked by Russia or just really shit

THE government's website for tax and benefits has either been hacked by Russia or is just a piece of shit.