Business
Woman to get through Tuesday by reminding herself it’s nearly Wednesday
AN OFFICE worker is struggling through Tuesday by focusing on making it to Wednesday, after which there are only two more days until the weekend.
John Lewis has no idea what 'Never knowingly undersold' means
NOBODY at John Lewis knows what its long-standing slogan is supposed to mean, it has been confirmed.
Bank of Mum and Dad bailed out by Bank of Nan and Grandad
THE Bank of Mum and Dad has had to call on assistance from its grandparent bank after a year of substantial losses.
HMRC website either hacked by Russia or just really shit
THE government's website for tax and benefits has either been hacked by Russia or is just a piece of shit.
Scrumpy-making farmer not 'inspired by Brew Dog'
A FARMER whose bright orange cider makes you shit yourself is not inspired by Brew Dog, he has confirmed.
Wetherspoons impossible to boycott
BRITONS who would like to boycott Wetherspoons because of its chairman’s political views have admitted it is impossible.
New pound coin sorry it's attached to completely f**ked currency
THE new one pound coin would rather not be attached to a doomed currency, it has confirmed.
No-one surprised to discover strange colleague was homeschooled
WORKERS have expressed no surprise that their strange new colleague was educated by his parents.
Rising inflation explained as 'the 70s'
ECONOMISTS have explained what rising inflation means by asking if you remember the fourth-hand Chopper bike you got for your birthday in 1978.
Apple denies all knowledge of Apple Watch
APPLE has denied that the Apple Watch ever existed.
Boss’s claim ‘we’re all mad here’ actually a cry for help
A BOSS who claimed in a job interview that everyone in his office was crazy was desperately asking for help, a new employee has discovered.
International Women's Day celebrated by brands that hate women
CORPORATIONS that hate and fear women have wished them a happy International Women’s Day.