A MAN has found and purchased something of use at a Christmas market, it has been confirmed.
THE threatened closure of Toys R Us has been linked by parents to it being easily the most expensive place to shop in the whole of the UK.
THE UK has demanded that all the smug bastards who own bitcoin lose their entire investment before Christmas.
A GATHERING of workers to generate business ideas only produced dark and twisted visions, it has emerged.
A FAT man lounging in an Essex hot tub has made enough money from bitcoin in the last three weeks to retire. Now it’s your turn.
RAIL company bosses are wondering how to spend the rest of their meeting after instantly agreeing to hike prices.
BRITAIN has confirmed it is knocking off because it is now Christmas.
WETHERSPOON customers are demanding that the pub chain opens its doors at five in the morning.
ANYTHING ‘limited edition’, whether a sports car or a Snickers, attracts the high-spending twat demographic like moths to a flame, marketers have confirmed.
THE price of homes for first-time buyers has gone up by exactly what they are set to save after yesterday’s cut in stamp duty.
THE UK’s shops are already a complete f**king nightmare and retailers have confirmed they will remain that way until Christmas.
THE John Lewis monster devoured five child actors during the filming of the store’s Christmas advert, a behind-the-scenes special revealed.