Business

Government really sticking up for the little guy, say morons

VAGUE plans to discuss bosses’ pay prove the Tory government is on the side of ordinary people, idiots believe.

It definitely too late to ask temp's name

IT IS too late for co-workers to ask an office temp what her name is, experts have confirmed.

Black Friday was in Dante’s Inferno, discover experts

SCHOLARS have found that Dante’s epic Inferno contained a circle in Hell for Black Friday shoppers.

This is communism, say letting agents

THE government’s crackdown on letting agency fees is worse than anything that happened in Stalin’s Russia, letting agents agree.

Tragic bastards somehow nostalgic about Safeway

PEOPLE who feel nostalgic about an old supermarket brand have been told to get a f**king grip.

Twats planning something awful

THIS group of twats is working on something truly dreadful, it has emerged.

Nation sick of having heart warmed

BRITAIN has asked retailers to cease their barrage of heartwarming Christmas adverts.

Facebook to crack down on fake status updates

FACEBOOK has revealed plans to stop users telling lies about themselves.

Wikipedia celebrates first ever donation

THERE were joyful scenes in the offices of Wikipedia yesterday after the website received its first ever financial donation.

Capitalist oppressors furious at flukey Christmas holiday dates

EVIL capitalist oppressors are furious after discovering workers will get 10 days off at Christmas while only taking three days' leave.

UK economy running as mysteriously as a 1993 Vauxhall Nova

INFLATION has dropped because Britain’s economy is running with the same fingers-crossed uncertainty as a Vauxhall Nova with 200,000 miles on the clock.

Government asks what else it was meant to do with a f**king stadium

THE government has asked critics of the Olympic stadium deal with West Ham what they would have done with a f**king 80,000-seat stadium.