Business

British pride restored by grovelling to Japanese car company

PATRIOTS have hailed the government’s secret Nissan deal as proof that when it comes to allowing multinational businesses to behave as they please, Britain again leads the world.

Worker self-destructs career by eating lunch at 11.57am

A MAN has squandered any chance of progressing at work by eating his packed lunch before midday.

Government to build runways everywhere and let the market decide

THERESA May has announced plans to carpet Britain with runways and let the market decide.

Oh, inflation’s the least of your worries, chuckles Bank of England

THE Bank of England has promised anyone worried about inflation that soon they will look back and marvel at how naive they were.

All chip shops lying about being world-famous

NO chip shop is world famous, it has been confirmed.

Man unable make it through day without taste of yeast

A MARMITE fan is worried he cannot function without the delightful taste of yeast.

More business networking done through Airbnb than LinkedIn 


MORE people are finding employment and forming new business ventures through Airbnb than LinkedIn, it has emerged.

Clowning no longer seen as a desirable career, clowns complain

A LEADING clown union has complained that creepy clown sightings are putting young people off clowning as a career.

Southern Rail bosses ask customers' advice on which luxury sports car to buy

TRAIN company bosses have asked customers to help decide which incredibly fancy car they should buy.

'Modern London' Monopoly only has dark blue properties

A NEW edition of Monopoly has every property, from Old Kent Road to Mayfair, coloured dark blue and priced at the maximum rate.

Everything to be alright at Sports Direct now Mike Ashley in charge

ALL problems at Sports Direct will disappear now Mike Ashley is chief executive, jubilant employees have confirmed.

Letting agents 'as highly trained as brain surgeons'

LETTING agents charge a lot because it takes years of training to master printing out a contract, it has been claimed.