Business

I only made staff sign non-disclosure agreements because I am too nice, says Green

SIR Philip Green made employees sign non-disclosure agreements to stop everyone finding out what a big-hearted softie he is, he has confessed.

Currys buries last elderly customer in low-quality fridge

IN a moving ceremony, the last person who shops at Currys these days was committed to the ground in a mediocre fridge-freezer.

Dog Analytics sold data from other dogs' arses

A DOG-OWNED analytics company has been selling information gained by sniffing other dogs’ arses, it has emerged.

Office full of idiots can't understand why everything is so difficult

A SMALL business is staffed entirely by f**king morons who cannot understand why everything takes ages, it has emerged.

House of Fraser unveils new business model of not letting you have stuff when you pay for it

HOUSE of Fraser is to cease the 'economically suicidal' practice of giving customers goods when they pay for them, it has confirmed. 

John Lewis starting to suspect it is being undersold

JOHN Lewis is beginning to wonder if its prices may be much, much higher than its rivals after years of wilful ignorance.

Big tubs of chocolates right at front of supermarket just for no reason

TUBS of Heroes and Celebrations have been placed right by the entrance of every supermarket just in case you fancy them for whatever reason, say retailers.

Pub improves smoking area by adding walls, roof, toilets and bar

A PUB has revamped its smoking area by adding walls, a roof and a bar selling beer.