ANY business opposing a no-deal Brexit is committing treason and everything they make should be boycotted and burned. Here’s a list of today’s un-products:
JD Wetherspoons has confirmed that it will be removing all foreign drinks from its pubs and replacing them with proper British bags of sniffing glue.
SCANNING your own shopping provides excellent opportunities for annoying other customers. Here’s how to make everyone behind you want to ram a courgette up your a*se.
A RURAL pub has doubled its wine list by adding a second option.
A HARD Brexit would give the UK’s struggling Readers’ Wives industry the shot in the arm it needs to survive, experts believe.
WAITROSE has launched a new bring-your-own-container policy so the neighbours and binmen will never know how much you drink.
A MECHANIC was genuinely going to charge a fair price to fix a car until its owner provoked him by saying something.
EAST End economists have warned that the UK’s debt stands at 353bn monkeys, or 176.5bn bags of sand.
A START-UP company is based in a normal office instead of a giant playground and is paying people a fair wage instead of free kombucha.
CALLED upon to give a presentation at work? Here’s how to hit the right note of business bullshit to drive the company drones wild.
THE threatened closure of Debenhams would leave men only able to find out which aftershave they prefer at airports.
A TRAIN company is sick of passengers wanting it to employ real people when they could just go on its completely useless website.