Business

Currys buries last elderly customer in low-quality fridge

IN a moving ceremony, the last person who shops at Currys these days was committed to the ground in a mediocre fridge-freezer.

Dog Analytics sold data from other dogs' arses

A DOG-OWNED analytics company has been selling information gained by sniffing other dogs’ arses, it has emerged.

Office full of idiots can't understand why everything is so difficult

A SMALL business is staffed entirely by f**king morons who cannot understand why everything takes ages, it has emerged.

House of Fraser unveils new business model of not letting you have stuff when you pay for it

HOUSE of Fraser is to cease the 'economically suicidal' practice of giving customers goods when they pay for them, it has confirmed. 

John Lewis starting to suspect it is being undersold

JOHN Lewis is beginning to wonder if its prices may be much, much higher than its rivals after years of wilful ignorance.

Big tubs of chocolates right at front of supermarket just for no reason

TUBS of Heroes and Celebrations have been placed right by the entrance of every supermarket just in case you fancy them for whatever reason, say retailers.

Pub improves smoking area by adding walls, roof, toilets and bar

A PUB has revamped its smoking area by adding walls, a roof and a bar selling beer.

Supermarkets stocking up on bizarre impulse buys for panicking, hungry freshers

SUPERMARKETS are stocking up on strange, exotic ingredients for first-year students who have never had to feed themselves before.

Colleague's 'friendly reminder' has surprisingly unfriendly tone 

A FRIENDLY email reminder is actually quite hostile, it has emerged.

Satan buys Wonga's loan book

THE Devil has bought the £400m loan book of bankrupt payday lender Wonga to take possession of all 200,000 souls inside.

We sell designer clothes for below retail price and sweets for well above, says TK Maxx

TK MAXX has explained that it makes a profit on £50 Gucci jeans by selling liquorice whirls by the counter for £3.50.

Mike Ashley attacks 'greedy' landlords from inside giant pie

SPORTS Direct owner Mike Ashley has attacked 'greedy' commercial landlords with bathing in an 18ft meat pie.