Business
Quaint market town would secretly love massive Tesco
RESIDENTS of a sleepy Shropshire market town would be absolutely stoked if a massive Tesco opened, they have confirmed.
Work anniversaries are not a thing, world informs LinkedIn
HUMANS do not celebrate the anniversary of getting their job, the world has told LinkedIn.
Wetherspoon unveils 'Brexit Chaos' breakfast
WETHERSPOON has unveiled its new 'Brexit Chaos' breakfast, which includes an unknown quantity of vague, ever-changing ingredients.
Shop assistant asking if you 'need any help' definitely thinks you're going to nick something
SHOP assistants asking if you 'need any help' definitely suspect you of shoplifting, it has been revealed.
I lost my life savings for nothing more than being a naive, greedy bastard who fell for a get-rich-quick scheme
IT could never happen to me, people say. And unless you’re an avaricious knobhead so convinced of their superiority they believe they can double their money in six months, you’re right.
Boss taking credit for team's work only contributed management bullshit
A BOSS has taken all the credit for his team’s work despite mostly just distracting them with management toss.
Waitrose closing stores because you're not good enough for them
WAITROSE is closing stores across the UK because Britons are not the ‘quality people’ they need in their shops.
Intern adds 'procuring and distributing varied, challenging ice-cream order' to CV
AN intern at a London office is turning her menial role bringing everyone ice-cream into proof that she is a dynamic self-starter.
We insist on only the finest French champagne, say Wetherspoons' aristocratic customers
ARISTOCRATS who drink at Wetherspoons have threatened a boycott after the chain revealed it will no longer sell the fine French champagnes they demand.
Petrol going up to stop everyone moving to France
THE price of petrol is increasing to stop everyone from moving to France, it has emerged.
We get it, you like Primark, says New Look
NEW Look is to refocus on selling shit clothing dirt-cheap because that is apparently what Britain wants.
PR professional unable to make people like her
A PUBLIC relations professional is unable to make people like her, it has emerged.