Business

WH Smith to modernise by doing video rentals

HIGH street newsagent WH Smith is pinning its hopes on renting out VHS and Betamax videos.

Mums will defend threatened M&S stores 'to the death'

MUMS have formed a militia to defend their favourite branches of Marks & Spencer by any means necessary, they have confirmed.

Fray Bentos to change pie tin but keep contents disgusting

THE makers of Fray Bentos pies have reassured fans that although the tins are changing, the contents will remain vile.

You shouldn't be getting trains if you haven't done the research, say operators

RAIL operators have told passengers to stop using trains if they are too lazy to spend a few hours researching ticket prices.

Desperate TSB customers using a barter system to pay for food

TSB CUSTOMERS are now using a barter system to pay for rent and food, they have confirmed. 

Sainsbury's-Asda merger 'could show middle-class shoppers the futility of their pathetic aspirations'

A PROPOSED merger between Sainsbury’s and Asda will finally make middle-class Britain realise its imagined superiority is nothing but a lie. 

Northern supermarkets to trial pesto

NORTHERN supermarkets are to start selling pesto, it has been revealed.

Boss demands team 'get granular' but won’t explain what it means

THE DIRECTOR of a mid-level marketing firm has demanded his team ‘get granular’ but won’t explain what that means.

We are WH Smith and we will never, ever close down

BECAUSE we are Britain, in all its overpriced, lukewarm, rundown former glory.  

Trip to conference reveals colleagues are a bunch of freaks

A MAN who spent three days with colleagues outside their normal environment has discovered they are all completely insane.

Success based on knowing when to be a twat

WORKPLACE success is largely based on picking the right moment to be a twat, a new study has found.

Audi yet again voted top car by dentists and serial killers

DENTISTS and serial killers have named Audis their favourite car for the eleventh year running.