Business

Northern supermarkets to trial pesto

NORTHERN supermarkets are to start selling pesto, it has been revealed.

Boss demands team 'get granular' but won’t explain what it means

THE DIRECTOR of a mid-level marketing firm has demanded his team ‘get granular’ but won’t explain what that means.

We are WH Smith and we will never, ever close down

BECAUSE we are Britain, in all its overpriced, lukewarm, rundown former glory.  

Trip to conference reveals colleagues are a bunch of freaks

A MAN who spent three days with colleagues outside their normal environment has discovered they are all completely insane.

Success based on knowing when to be a twat

WORKPLACE success is largely based on picking the right moment to be a twat, a new study has found.

Audi yet again voted top car by dentists and serial killers

DENTISTS and serial killers have named Audis their favourite car for the eleventh year running.

No gender pay gap for interns earning bugger all

THE government has hailed the lack of any gender pay gap for unpaid interns as a ‘triumph for equality’.

We always wondered if Facebook might be profoundly evil, say people who've been using it for years

FACEBOOK users always had a sneaking suspicion that it would one day destroy them, they have confirmed.

We assumed you knew we were selling your data, says Facebook

FACEBOOK assumed it was common knowledge that they sold users’ personal information to the highest bidder, Mark Zuckerberg has confirmed.

Grammar pedants thrilled at collapse of Toys R Us

BELIEVERS in the correct use of English are delighted that the grammatically-baffling shop Toys R Us is closing its doors forever.

Man paying builder cash-in-hand feels like Mafia don

A MIDDLE-CLASS man paying cash for building work feels as if he has joined the Mafia, he has confessed.

Everyone stuck in meeting because some twat asked a question

A MAN who asked a f**king question at the end of a five o’clock meeting is now the most hated person in the room.