FACEBOOK assumed it was common knowledge that they sold users’ personal information to the highest bidder, Mark Zuckerberg has confirmed.
BELIEVERS in the correct use of English are delighted that the grammatically-baffling shop Toys R Us is closing its doors forever.
A MIDDLE-CLASS man paying cash for building work feels as if he has joined the Mafia, he has confessed.
A MAN who asked a f**king question at the end of a five o’clock meeting is now the most hated person in the room.
THEY’RE carefully put away in every loft, garage and storage unit in the country in the belief that one day they’ll be listed on eBay and will realise huge amounts of cash. Well, they won’t.
A MAN has got to the top of the corporate ladder by saying things that sound insightful but are ultimately vague, meaningless bullshit, it has emerged.
A SIX-YEAR-OLD girl’s joy at playing in the snow was overshadowed by her fears of the impact the weather was having on the UK economy.
BRITAIN’S fathers are in mourning for Maplin, the electronics retailer where they kept their dreams of drones and integrated USB sockets alive.
A BREXITER is glad that the pleasant Polish couple who used to run his local convenience store have been replaced by a surly British bastard.
THE backlash against Oxfam has hit new heights after a woman resolved to give a box of second-hand crime novels to Cancer Research instead.
A WOMAN who works as a 'brand optimising consultant' actually leads a nightmarish hand-to-mouth existence, friends have noticed.
OWNERS of hugely overvalued houses are lobbying the government to make the housing crisis even worse.