THE Bank of England was last night told to give it a rest for a few weeks, or at least start things off with a joke.
WATER companies last night defended their above inflation price rises insisting water was now made from very expensive gas.
THE CBI last night warned that the UK economy was far worse off than it thought after it found an extra twenty million poor people behind the fridge.
BRITAIN'S estate agents were last night celebrating the return of popular word game Scrabulous to the Facebook social networking site.
GAS supplier Centrica announced last night that it was loving it.
A NEW chapter has been written in the 86-year history of the Transport and General Workers Union after it agreed a merger with the New York Mafia.
PRINCESS Anne was put up for sale last night as the Queen looked to plug a £32 million hole in her finances.
SUPERMARKET rivalry has intensified after Tesco promised to put all your dirty pictures on a cake.
THE men who set the price of gas have predicted gas prices will rise by about 40%.
SHELL tanker drivers yesterday won a 14% pay rise which means they will now be paid £42,000 a year just to drive a fucking truck.
GOVERNOR of the Bank of England Mervyn King has written to the Chancellor of the Exchequer to confirm the government’s inflation target was now 'well and truly fucked'.
THE government is to appoint a powerful new 'czar' to regulate the bullshit professions, including homeopathy, acupuncture and estate agency.