No Women Involved In Latest Pantyliner Advert

NO women were involved in the making of the latest advert for Always pantyliners, it was confirmed last night.

I’ve Talked Myself Into Talking Us Into A Recession, Admits Economist

A LEADING economist last night admitted he had talked himself into talking us all into a major global recession.

Bank Of England Told To Cheer The Fuck Up

THE Bank of England was last night told to give it a rest for a few weeks, or at least start things off with a joke.

Water Made From Gas, Say Water Companies

WATER companies last night defended their above inflation price rises insisting water was now made from very expensive gas.

CBI Finds Extra Twenty Million Poor People Behind Fridge

THE CBI last night warned that the UK economy was far worse off than it thought after it found an extra twenty million poor people behind the fridge. 

Estate Agents Celebrate Return Of Scrabulous

BRITAIN'S estate agents were last night celebrating the return of popular word game Scrabulous to the Facebook social networking site.

Centrica Loving It

GAS supplier Centrica announced last night that it was loving it.

Transport And General Workers Union To Merge With Mafia

A NEW chapter has been written in the 86-year history of the Transport and General Workers Union after it agreed a merger with the New York Mafia.

Hard-Up Queen Forced To Sell Princess Anne

PRINCESS Anne was put up for sale last night as the Queen looked to plug a £32 million hole in her finances.

Tesco Trumps Asda With Range Of Porn Cakes

SUPERMARKET rivalry has intensified after Tesco promised to put all your dirty pictures on a cake.

Price Of Gas To Rise, Say Men Who Set The Price Of Gas

THE men who set the price of gas have predicted gas prices will rise by about 40%.

Forty-Two Grand - To Drive A F*cking Truck

SHELL tanker drivers yesterday won a 14% pay rise which means they will now be paid £42,000 a year just to drive a fucking truck.