CHANCELLOR Alistair Darling last night carried out his threat to pile up £100 billion of taxpayers' money and then set fire to it.
RECORD bad debts in the US home loan market will see bank profits fall from eye-poppingly obscene to unspeakably repulsive, City analysts warned last night.
IT is more than two weeks old and is starting to get a bit cloudy, but after topping £75 last night it has become eBay's most expensive glass of piss.
BRITAIN’S biggest energy companies last night expressed surprise after they all bet on the same horse to win yesterday’s Betfredbingo Novices Handicap Chase at Lingfield.
MILLIONS of annoying pricks were celebrating last night after eBay gave them the go-ahead fill the online auction site with petty, ill-founded complaints.
INTERNET bank Egg has defended its decision to cancel thousands of credit cards, describing its unwanted customers as 'prudent and reliable scum'.
TONY Blair last night predicted a new era in the Middle East after offering Hamas three years protection on their no claims bonus.
SÓCÍÉTÉ Générálé is launching a new card offering six months interest-free credit on balance transfers of up to €50 billion.
FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.
THE US Federal Reserve is to give everyone in America a spaniel in a bid to prevent recession in the world’s biggest economy.
STOCKBROKERS are preparing for a third day of running around and waving their hands in the air, shouting 'nooooooooooooooooooo!!!'.
NORTHERN Rock has now been reduced to its two constituent words, its directors have told angry shareholders.