Business

The 10 items you’re keeping to sell on eBay that are worth f**k all

THEY’RE carefully put away in every loft, garage and storage unit in the country in the belief that one day they’ll be listed on eBay and will realise huge amounts of cash. Well, they won’t.

Successful career built on saying vague bullshit in a convincing way

A MAN has got to the top of the corporate ladder by saying things that sound insightful but are ultimately vague, meaningless bullshit, it has emerged.

Six-year-old’s enjoyment of snow dampened by concern about UK productivity levels

A SIX-YEAR-OLD girl’s joy at playing in the snow was overshadowed by her fears of the impact the weather was having on the UK economy.

Dads hold candlelight vigil for Maplin

BRITAIN’S fathers are in mourning for Maplin, the electronics retailer where they kept their dreams of drones and integrated USB sockets alive.

Brexiter delighted his corner shop taken over by miserable British bastard

A BREXITER is glad that the pleasant Polish couple who used to run his local convenience store have been replaced by a surly British bastard.

Middle-class woman to give used crime novels to Cancer Research instead

THE backlash against Oxfam has hit new heights after a woman resolved to give a box of second-hand crime novels to Cancer Research instead.

Woman with incredibly impressive job title actually earns £11k

A WOMAN who works as a 'brand optimising consultant' actually leads a nightmarish hand-to-mouth existence, friends have noticed.

For f**k’s sake don’t solve the housing crisis, say selfish bastards

OWNERS of hugely overvalued houses are lobbying the government to make the housing crisis even worse.

Man gives to charity without going to a f**king ball

SCIENTISTS were shocked to announce the discovery of a man who is capable of giving to charity without attending an exclusive black-tie gala event.

Carillion directors nicking loads of stuff from abandoned building sites

THE directors of Carillion are half-inching as much gear as they can from the company's abandoned projects, it has emerged.

Self-employed builder makes bid for Carillion contracts

A SELF-EMPLOYED builder who owns his own lorry has bid for Carillion’s prison, hospital, school and Ministry of Defence contracts.  

Stressed workaholic finds plenty of time to tell you about it

A MAN who is constantly 'up to his eyes' in work always has an hour free to complain about just hard he is working, it has emerged.