Business

Price Of Gas To Rise, Say Men Who Set The Price Of Gas

THE men who set the price of gas have predicted gas prices will rise by about 40%.

Forty-Two Grand - To Drive A F*cking Truck

SHELL tanker drivers yesterday won a 14% pay rise which means they will now be paid £42,000 a year just to drive a fucking truck.

Inflation Targets ‘well F*cked’ Says Merv

GOVERNOR of the Bank of England Mervyn King has written to the Chancellor of the Exchequer to confirm the government’s inflation target was now 'well and truly fucked'.

Government To Appoint Bullshit Tsar

THE government is to appoint a powerful new 'czar' to regulate the bullshit professions, including homeopathy, acupuncture and estate agency. 

Millions Planning £3000 'I'm A Terrorist' Scam

MILLIONS of people across the UK are hoping to earn up to £3000 a day by pretending to be a terrorist.

Britain Picks Out New Handcart

BRITAIN will today pick out a nice, new handcart as it completes its preparations for the journey to Hell.

Tesco Nails Chicken To River Cottage Door

SUPERMARKET giant Tesco has stepped up its campaign against TV chef Hugh Fearnley-Whttingstall by nailing a live chicken to the door of River Cottage.

Ann Summers Moves Upmarket With Crotchless Evening Gown

ANN Summers is moving upmarket with a new range aimed at the middle classes, including a stunning open-crotch evening gown.