Business

Egg Condemns 'Prudent Scum'

INTERNET bank Egg has defended its decision to cancel thousands of credit cards, describing its unwanted customers as 'prudent and reliable scum'.

Blair Offers Hamas Three Years No Claims Bonus Protection

TONY Blair last night predicted a new era in the Middle East after offering Hamas three years protection on their no claims bonus.

Socgen Offers 0% On Balance Transfers Up To €50 Billion

SÓCÍÉTÉ Générálé is launching a new card offering six months interest-free credit on balance transfers of up to €50 billion. 

French Trader Was Forced To Work 30 Hours A Week

FRIENDS of rogue trader Jerome Kerviel last night blamed his $7 billion losses on unbearable levels of stress brought on by a punishing 30 hour week.

Global Economy Now Run By F*cknuts

THE US Federal Reserve is to give everyone in America a spaniel in a bid to prevent recession in the world’s biggest economy. 

Idiot Stockbrokers Continue To Ruin Your Life

STOCKBROKERS are preparing for a third day of running around and waving their hands in the air, shouting 'nooooooooooooooooooo!!!'.

Northern Rock Now Just Two Words

NORTHERN Rock has now been reduced to its two constituent words, its directors have told angry shareholders. 

Firms Not Allowed To Ask Why Your CV Is Filled With Lies

POTENTIAL employers are to be barred from asking interviewees why their CVs are filled with rubbish from beginning to end.