Business

Insurance Companies Pretending To Be Chinese Restaurants

BRITAIN'S biggest insurance companies are pretending to be Chinese restaurants to avoid flood damage claims, the Daily Mash has learned.

Blair Sells Peerages To Hamas

TONY Blair has made his first move as Middle East envoy by offering seats in the House of Lords to some of Palestine's most radical elements.

Gap Widens Between The Rich And The Incredibly Rich

The gap between the rich and the really incredibly rich is wider than ever, according to new research.

Ikea customers realise it's all shit

HOME furnishing giant Ikea is to cut jobs amid increased consumer recognition of the shitness of its products.

Murdoch Offers £2.5 Million For Royal Baby

MEDIA tycoon Rupert Murdoch has tabled an opening bid of £2.5 million for the next royal baby.

Wonka Factory 'Full Of Rats'

WILLY WONKA has been fined £75,000 after rats were discovered inside his magical chocolate factory.

Internet To Shut For Half-Day On Wednesdays

THE internet is to start closing for a half day on Wednesday afternoons to give it time to sit down and have a nice cup of tea, it announced yesterday. 

'Flash! Flash! I Love You! But We've Only Got 14 Hours To Save Dobbies From Tom Hunter!'

DOBBIES the garden centre was in mortal danger last night after the launch of a hostile takeover by Emperor Tom Hunter of the Planet Mongo.