THE price of petrol is increasing to stop everyone from moving to France, it has emerged.
NEW Look is to refocus on selling shit clothing dirt-cheap because that is apparently what Britain wants.
A PUBLIC relations professional is unable to make people like her, it has emerged.
THE teenage girl working in Topshop today is in direct in contact with the CEO and will pass on all your thoughts on how the retailer should be operated, she has confirmed.
THE most offensive thing about Lush is getting an instant scent-induced migraine as soon as you step through the door, it has been claimed.
COMPANIES have denied their reasons for not employing women at senior levels are completely pathetic.
EVERY member of Greggs’ staff will receive enough steak bakes to fill a small skip as a thank you for their loyalty, the bakery has announced.
HIGH street newsagent WH Smith is pinning its hopes on renting out VHS and Betamax videos.
MUMS have formed a militia to defend their favourite branches of Marks & Spencer by any means necessary, they have confirmed.
THE makers of Fray Bentos pies have reassured fans that although the tins are changing, the contents will remain vile.
RAIL operators have told passengers to stop using trains if they are too lazy to spend a few hours researching ticket prices.
TSB CUSTOMERS are now using a barter system to pay for rent and food, they have confirmed.