Chas & Dave Snubbed Again

FANS of Cockney duo Chas and Dave threatened to attack the Royal Family last night after this year's novelty honour was awarded to Status Quo.

Margaret Gerving gets an OBE for 30 years of volunteering at her local blah blah blah, who gives a flying shit?

In an honours list clearly designed to save money, Chas and Dave were deliberately ignored as OBEs were awarded to the stars of Live Aid and a September 1978 edition of the Top of the Pops.

Julian Cook, author of Rabbit: The Chas & Dave Mullarkey, said: "To be snubbed yet again is one thing, but to be snubbed in favour of Status Quo is a particularly nasty kick in the Jacob's Cream Crackers.

"Every reputable expert in the field agrees that there is essentially no difference between the two, but at least Chas and Dave have always had the decency not to use American accents when they're singing.

"They could have – who in all honesty would not want to hear Snooker Loopy performed in a thick Southern drawl? – but instead they chose Englishness, loyalty and patriotism. And for what? Fucking Queen. Fuck off."

The novelty honour has been awarded each year since 1994 in a bid to balance out the tedious awards given to ordinary people you have never heard of who do actual things.

Previous recipients include Mick Jagger, Noddy Holder from Slade and Astronomer Royal Sir Martin Rees.

Elsewhere in the discount honours list, Jenson Button, the world car-pointing champion, was able to add an MBE to the millions and millions and millions and millions of pounds he received for being marginally better at pointing a car than some dull foreigners.

Publicist Michelle Mone received an MBE for getting herself in the papers once a month by paying that Natalie Imbruglia to wear a fancy bra and pants, and Britain's most senior policewoman, Assistant Commissioner Cressida Dick, was honoured for services to Brazilian electrician removal.

Meanwhile the bald guy off Star Trek received a knighthood, though Whitehall sources insisted it was because he can also remember all the words to King Lear.