Cleese leaving UK due to running out of things to moan about

JOHN Cleese is to quit the UK because he has finally run out of things that displease him about this country.

The ex-Python hopes that by moving to Nevis he will find new things he does not like and can complain about how much worse the island has become since his arrival two weeks ago.

Cleese said: “Things I don’t like about Britain include the tabloid culture, the new James Bond films, Brexit, the BBC and much, much more. Also Curly Wurlys are different now.

“But recently I found myself running out of things to whinge about. When I found myself complaining that postage stamps aren’t perforated the way they used to be I realised it was time for pastures new.

“I mean, Nevis, eh? You’d think a place like Nevis would be full of proper mountains like Ben Nevis, but it’s not. God, I feel better already.”

Cleese went on to complain for three hours about Nevis having too many repeats on TV, seagulls that squawk annoyingly and no branches of Halfords.