Saturday, 8th May 2021

How to get Kate's casual vigil look

WANT to make public mourning a personal triumph for you, the Duchess of Cambridge? Here’s how to recreate that low-key Clapham vigil chic: 

Don’t wear a mask

You’re not legally obliged to wear a face mask outdoors anyway, so keep it safely tucked in your aide’s pocket. Your exposed, mournful face will send a message of solidarity to women everywhere, although there’s a risk people will think it’s a PR stunt. Especially you’re in a who’s-got-the-moral-high-ground war with your sister-in-law.

Blend in with a khaki coat

Stand out by blending in with a slouchy khaki parka that screams ‘please leave me alone, I’m trying to pay my respects.’ Discreetly show off the label of the company producing said coat so they’ll keep supplying you with free stuff when clothes shops crank up the price, also as a mark of respect.

Stand out with black jeans

Thanks to her wardrobe wizardry, Princess Kate has turned everyday black jeans into a symbol of mourning. If Meghan had rocked up wearing black jeans they would have been too expensive, a show of support for Marxist Black Lives Matter thugs and a headbutt in the Queen’s sorrowful face.

Set style agendas in Le Chameau wellies

Despite being a brand of choice for the Royals, Le Chameau wellies are also within the price range of us mere mortals. With a rubber toe cap and reinforced sole, these wellies aren’t quite as strong as the police boots which spent the best part of Saturday marching on peaceful protestors. But not Kate, obviously.

Be Kate

Kate’s presence at the vigil was wonderful, radiant, self-effacing and elevated the cause. Your appearance was illegal rabble-rousing, threatened the police, put a statue of Churchill in grave danger and only distracted from the cause. Everything you do is terrible because you’re not Kate. Also, carry hand-picked daffodils from Kensington Palace.