Celebrity
Beyonce announces collaboration with Greggs
BEYONCE is working with Greggs on a range of pasties designed to empower women of all shapes and pasty-eating abilities.
Dog apology video ‘is best Johnny Depp film in a decade’
JOHNNY Depp’s string of poor career choices has ended with a captivating short film about why it is wrong to smuggle dogs into Australia.
Duchess creates ‘new memories’ for William’s ex-girlfriends
A POIGNANT photo at the Taj Mahal has given the Duchess of Cambridge a fresh opportunity to tell her husband’s exes to eat it.
William and Kate prevent imminent war with Bhutan
BRITAIN and Bhutan have moved back from the brink of war after a visit by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
Thousands of Boris supporters don’t know his surname
ONLY 13 percent of people who support Boris Johnson are aware that his surname is Johnson.
Bono: Surely this is the stupidest shit I’ve ever said
BONO proudly believes his claim that comedians should be sent to fight ISIS to be his most dumbshit pronouncement yet.
We’ll celebrate your birthday if we get a day off, Britain tells Queen
THE UK has told the Queen it will celebrate her 90th birthday if she gives everyone a day off work.
I'm just a metaphor for sex, realises Easter Bunny
THE Easter Bunny has expressed shock and disgust that he's just some weird metaphor for sex.
Chutney went straight in bin, Queen confirms
A CHRISTMAS gift of homemade chutney from the Duchess of Cambridge was treated with the contempt it deserved, says the Queen.
Holly and Phillip tired because they necked a load of gurners last night
THE hosts of This Morning have explained that they feel tired today because they stayed up all night taking pills.
Don’t even think of standing for PM, Britain warns Branson
BRITONS have warned Richard Branson that a Trump-style political campaign would result in his arse being kicked into the Atlantic.
Queen a right old cow, says Sun
THE Queen is such an old cow, the Sun has confirmed.