Celebrity
King Arthur returns with impractical sword-based plan
KING Arthur has returned in Britain’s hour of need with a plan mainly involving swords, he has announced.
Sonic the Hedgehog mortified as co-workers discover his past
THE moment Sonic The Hedgehog has dreaded finally came yesterday when office colleagues discovered who he used to be.
Man resigns himself to having to date Taylor Swift
A 28-YEAR-OLD British man has resigned himself to the inevitability of a relationship with Taylor Swift.
Prince Philip ever so proud
THE Duke of Edinburgh is absolutely delighted to see his grandson on the cover of a gay magazine.
Queen’s top ten songs all Lethal Bizzle
THE Queen's top ten songs are all by her favourite artist Lethal Bizzle, it has been confirmed.
Top Gear ‘a massive hit if you include viewers who are walking past Dixons’
THE new Top Gear has an audience over 24 million if you include people walking past television shop windows, according to Chris Evans.
Mums to continue pointing out how much people on TV have aged
MOTHERS have confirmed plans to keep highlighting how various television celebrities look much older these days.
Taylor Swift remembers who she was sent back from 2839AD to kill
THE android known as ‘Taylor Swift’ has remembered who she was sent from the future to kill.
Queen drops Slayer song titles into speech
THE Queen’s Speech is littered with song titles from thrash metal act Slayer, it has emerged.
I am ‘Becky with the good hair,’ admits Mary Berry
MARY Berry has admitted she is the ‘Becky with the good hair’ named by Beyonce.
Queen very good at it, say experts
THE Queen is extremely good at being the Queen, it has been claimed.
Beyonce announces collaboration with Greggs
BEYONCE is working with Greggs on a range of pasties designed to empower women of all shapes and pasty-eating abilities.