BRITAIN’S Olympians have brought shame upon the country by attempting to smuggle rare metals from Brazil.
WOMEN are opposed to Nicole Scherzinger, it has been confirmed.
WAYNE Hayes has worked with, played football against, babysat and lived next-door to each and every Great British Olympic medalist, weary colleagues have revealed.
THE 180,000 new registered Labour supporters thought they were buying exclusive front-row access to a Beyonce gig.
THE Queen has assured David Cameron that he was her worst prime minister ‘by miles’.
THE Queen has reflected that, considering all the constitutional powers she has, it is a good thing she could not care less about Britain anymore.
DAVID Cameron has thanked Andy Murray for throwing him under a bus at Wimbledon yesterday.
FORMER president George W Bush has picked up his iPhone, looked at the caller, returned it to his pocket and continued his round of golf.
BORIS Johnson has left the Conservative Party to return to the pages of the Beano, he has confirmed.
KING Arthur has returned in Britain’s hour of need with a plan mainly involving swords, he has announced.
THE moment Sonic The Hedgehog has dreaded finally came yesterday when office colleagues discovered who he used to be.
A 28-YEAR-OLD British man has resigned himself to the inevitability of a relationship with Taylor Swift.