BRITAIN and Bhutan have moved back from the brink of war after a visit by the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge.
ONLY 13 percent of people who support Boris Johnson are aware that his surname is Johnson.
BONO proudly believes his claim that comedians should be sent to fight ISIS to be his most dumbshit pronouncement yet.
THE UK has told the Queen it will celebrate her 90th birthday if she gives everyone a day off work.
THE Easter Bunny has expressed shock and disgust that he's just some weird metaphor for sex.
A CHRISTMAS gift of homemade chutney from the Duchess of Cambridge was treated with the contempt it deserved, says the Queen.
THE hosts of This Morning have explained that they feel tired today because they stayed up all night taking pills.
BRITONS have warned Richard Branson that a Trump-style political campaign would result in his arse being kicked into the Atlantic.
THE Queen is such an old cow, the Sun has confirmed.
MEN have expressed disgust at a sexy woman giving away nude photos of herself for nothing.
MORRISSEY is too friendly and upbeat to represent London, it has been claimed.
THE Duke of Cambridge is wondering why so many of you are not enjoying an Alpine skiing holiday like him.