Celebrity

Meghan Markle or Amal Clooney: who is the most evil?

FOR unspecified reasons, the Duchess of Sussex and human rights lawyer Amal Clooney are the most despised women in Britain. But which has the truest claim to being pure evil?

Which awful poshos and celebs will be baby Archie's secret godparents?

THE Duke and Duchess of Sussex will appoint their son’s six secret godparents this weekend. But who will they be?

The sex swing was in Frogmore Cottage already, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has defended a 360-degree spinning sex swing installed in his royal residence by saying it actually dates back to the 1930s.

Johnson to spend leadership campaign dangling from a zip-wire in Macclesfield

BORIS Johnson is to spend the rest of the Tory leadership campaign suspended 40ft above an Asda car park in Macclesfield.

Kate wears ordinary dress that cost two grand

THE UK has apparently gone wild for a perfectly ordinary, boring dress worn by the Duchess of Cambridge that cost almost two fucking grand.

Buckingham Palace gift incinerator at maximum capacity

THE Royal gift incinerator is working at maximum capacity, it has been confirmed.

See you in six months I'm off to Kabul, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has informed his wife that he has received an urgent military call-up and will return from Kabul in November.

Don't get excited, I've seen it, it's shit, says Kate

THE Duchess of Cambridge has warned Britain not to bother waiting for photos of her new nephew because he is ‘bang average’. 

Everything you 'need' to know about Baby Sussex

ARE you desperate to know every last detail about someone else’s baby? Read our slightly creepy guide.

Duchess of Sussex announces she's had a cushion up her top for six months

THE Duchess of Sussex has surprised the media by calling a press conference then whipping a cushion out from under her jumper.

How to be the sort of twat with your own 'personal brand'

DO you want a ‘personal brand’ like the Kardashians or various twats on YouTube? Here’s how to engage in endless tedious self-promotion instead of doing something worthwhile.

Social media more addictive than drugs and not as good, says Harry

PRINCE Harry has warned young people that social media is more addictive than illegal drugs without anything close to the same payoff.