Celebrity

John Lydon's guide to becoming an ageing punk wanker

FORMER Sex Pistol John Lydon has dismayed fans with his support for Donald Trump. Here he explains how to make the transition from edgy punk rebel to ageing pub bore.

Why I wear a poppy, by Laurence Fox

AS we approach Remembrance Sunday, virtue-signalling communists have been asking me why I, popular actor Laurence Fox, wear a poppy.

How to turn into a bit of a twat, by Paul McCartney

PAUL McCartney has a new album out, so expect to see a lot more of him. Here the former Beatle explains how to get more annoying over the years. 

Woman giving herself pep talk in mirror accidentally summons Morrissey

A WOMAN giving herself a motivational pep talk in the mirror has accidentally summoned Morrissey.

Rebekah Vardy to reveal the agony Coleen Rooney put her through and how she may never recover, on ice

FAMOUSLY private person Rebekah Vardy is to haltingly reveal the terrible pain Colleen Rooney caused her and the scars she bears, in a spangly leotard, on ice.

Joe Wicks now a big, fat bastard

JOE Wicks has put on eight stone since ending his daily lockdown exercise sessions and is in no way ready to start them up again.

The clapped-out Mancunian rock star's guide to Covid-19

NEED Covid advice? Fortunately two of the most well-known rock stars of yesteryear, Noel Gallagher and Ian Brown, are here to join intellectual forces and tell it like it is.

Frogmore Cottage on AirBNB

FROGMORE Cottage has been listed on holiday rental service AirBNB, it has emerged.

Dad boasts that he has never heard of well-known celebrity

A MIDDLE-AGED father was thrilled to be able to inform his children that he personally has never heard of a popular young celebrity.

Meghan, Harry, Kate and Wills regretting caravan holiday in Rhyl

THE younger members of the Royal Family now feel it was a mistake to book a holiday together in a small caravan in Wales, it has emerged.

Why you office plebs must listen to advice from a rich property developer, by Kirstie Allsopp

I MAY be the daughter of a Baron, but that doesn’t mean I’m unqualified to offer unsolicited advice on people going back to their offices during a pandemic.

The Daily Mail guide to covering the Royal Family

WOULD you like to develop a hysterical love/hate relationship with the Royal Family? Here Daily Mail news editor Tom Logan explains how to go about it.