Celebrity

Prince Andrew to officiate at grand reopening of Woking Pizza Express

THE Duke of York will officially reopen the Woking branch of Pizza Express when it begins serving again on July 4th.

Bear Grylls' guide to surviving the high street

HI, I’m Bear Grylls, and tomorrow I’m going to be visiting the most dangerous environment on Earth: the English high street.

A day in the life of my struggle to be relevant, by Nigel Farage

THERE is no point to me anymore, but I continue to exist. So while I’m here I may as well irritate everyone as much as possible.

I cannot go to the USA for questioning because they don't have Pizza Express, says Prince Andrew

PRINCE Andrew has confirmed that he has refused to submit to questioning by the US Department of Justice because there is no Pizza Express there.

Prince Charles' guide to working hard

THIS week the heir to the throne urged Britons to do some “hard graft” and stop our fruit and vegetable crops going to waste. Here Charles gives more examples of how to work harder.

Captain Tom to be made Prince Andrew

THE Queen is to make Captain Tom Moore Duke of York and eighth in line to the throne, replacing the former Prince Andrew.

So this next exercise is called 'overthrow capitalism', says Joe Wicks

JOE Wicks is teaching his junior army exercise moves like ‘overthrow capitalism’, ‘throw the molotov’ and ‘the guillotine’, a parent has noticed.

Colonel Tom thrilled to be the same rank as Camilla

COLONEL Tom Moore is thrilled to hold the same military rank as the Duchess of Cornwall, he has confirmed.

I miss being Britain's biggest arsehole, says Piers Morgan

PIERS Morgan is itching to get back to being the most obnoxious prick in the UK, it has emerged.

Group of celebrities get together to shut the f**k up

A GROUP of A-list celebrities have gotten together to shut the f**k up, with all the money raised going to charity.

Six conspiracy theories to explain Eamonn Holmes's shitty f**king career

EAMONN Holmes shared dangerous 5G conspiracy theories on This Morning, but what far-fetched conspiracy explains him still being in f**king work?

Queen: 'Stay in't 'ouse, you'll be reet'

THE Queen has instructed Britain to stay indoors, sup a few cans, watch telly and keep its head down until ‘all this bollocks is over’.