Celebrity

Plasterers distraught about 1D's Louis having a baby

ONE Direction’s core fanbase of plasterers is in emotional crisis after learning of singer Louis Tomlinson’s impending fatherhood.

Donald Trump thinks his hair and personality are good

BILLIONAIRE Donald Trump is fully satisfied with how his hairstyle and character have turned out.

Creepy ghost kid outfits sell out across UK

‘VENGEFUL child ghost’ outfits like the one worn by Prince George have sold out across the country.

Sleaford Mods named as Princess Charlotte’s godparents

NOTTINGHAM post-punk duo Sleaford Mods have expressed surprise and joy at becoming godparents to Princess Charlotte.

Susanna Reid has large doner for breakfast

GOOD Morning Britain presenter Susanna Reid has a doner kebab at 7am every morning, it has been confirmed. 

Taylor Swift betrayed to Roman authorities by disciple

TAYLOR Swift has been arrested by Roman soldiers after one of her 59.2 million Twitter followers betrayed her location.

Kevin Bacon not sure if everyone laughing with him or at him

ACTOR Kevin Bacon is unsure if he is seen as a cultural icon or a bit of a dick.

Boris Johnson lobs grenade through taxi window

THE Mayor of London has been filmed pulling a pin from a grenade with his teeth, throwing it into a black cab and cycling away before it explodes.

Chris Evans combing through giant address book of knobheads

NEW Top Gear presenter Chris Evans is trying to decide which of his sycophantic pals will join him as co-presenters.

Hippies have ruined my reputation, says Stonehenge

STONEHENGE is sick of being linked with hippies and wants to rebrand itself as a destination for cool people.

Magna Carta ‘not as good as latest Prince George photos'

THE Magna Carta is shit compared to the latest photos of Prince George, it has been agreed.

Queen's new car has gun mounted on it

THE Queen’s new open-topped  Range Rover has a machine gun on the rear at her personal request.