Celebrity

Kate Middleton on Mary Berry show after Tory win sees middle England orgasm itself into catatonia

THE Duchess of Cambridge on A Berry Royal Christmas days after a landslide Tory win made middle England come so hard it has fried its brains.

Six reasons to thank f**k for Princess Anne

THE ROYAL family has gone to sh*t but the Princess Royal is actually alright. Here’s why.

Prince Andrew to sort everything out by saying she looked 18

PRINCE Andrew is to sort this whole mess out by announcing that he would have sworn the girl was 18.

59-year-old grounded by his mum

A 59-YEAR-OLD man has been grounded by his mother for having bad friends and lying about it. 

What should I be a pr*ck about next? by Piers Morgan

WHEN you’re a top breakfast TV presenter like me, it’s not always easy to know who or what to pour scorn on next. Here’s how I carefully choose subjects.

Queen 'may be 93-year-old who doesn't give a sh*t', say insiders

BUCKINGHAM Palace insiders have warned that the Prince Andrew crisis may be handled as if by a 93-year-old who no longer gives a bugger.

'This is all we f*cking need' confirm Pizza Express and Woking

TROUBLED restaurant chain Pizza Express and dreary town Woking have confirmed Prince Andrew's admission of visiting them is all they f*cking need.

'Harry farted in the Range Rover', and other reasons behind the royal rift

BRITAIN’S future king and his brother are squabbling, with Prince Harry admitting they are on ‘different paths’. But how did blue blood become bad blood?

Five childhood heroes who b*llocksed it up

THIS week Gazza was in court after another bizarre incident in his perpetually troubled life. But which other celebrities have ruined your childhood memories of them? 

Exhausted Danny Dyer gives whole Cockney thing a rest

EASTENDERS star Danny Dyer has let his guard down and dropped the whole Cockney pretence at a dinner party with friends.

Press takes Rebekah Vardy's side, proving she's innocent

THE media have firmly taken the side of Rebekah Vardy in her dispute with Coleen Rooney, proving she is not working with the media.

Five mysteries Coleen Rooney could solve the f**k out of

LEADING WAG detective Coleen Rooney has already unmasked Rebekah Vardy as pure evil, but what other historical mysteries could she solve?