Celebrity

Universe actually pretty interesting

STEPHEN Hawking’s life has reminded everyone that the universe is actually pretty interesting.

Meghan Markle baptised in blood of 400,000 lizards

THE blood of more than 400,000 lizards has cascaded over Meghan Markle on the altar of an underground church to make her Royal forever.

Harry and Meghan to follow wedding ceremony with massive Waitrose shop

PRINCE Harry and Meghan Markle are to follow their May 19th wedding with a big shop at the Windsor branch of Waitrose.

Kate or Meghan: who is best at greeting people standing behind ropes?

CAN an American actress ever match the Duchess of Cambridge’s world-leading skill at speaking briefly to members of the public standing behind a barrier?

Fergie sprog to marry some spiv

ONE of Fergie’s kids, the one with the slightly vacant expression, is to marry a spiv, apparently.

The Mash guide to Prince Harry's stag night

6AM: Meet in car park of Morrison’s, Cromwell Road to catch minibus. Sambuca shots.

Christmas will involve dressing up as a goose, Harry warns Meghan

PRINCE HARRY has warned his fiancée that Christmas will be unusual.

Royal wedding off after Meghan realises Harry not Ed Sheeran

THE royal wedding has been cancelled after Meghan Markle discovered Harry is not actually Ed Sheeran.

Harry and Meghan’s first royal visit ends prematurely after he accidentally kills someone

PRINCE Harry and fianceé Meghan Markle’s first royal engagement has ended early after he accidentally killed a member of the cheering crowd.

I'm marrying into that reality TV family I told you about, Meghan Markle tells mother

MEGHAN Markle has told her mother that she is marrying into the reality TV family known as the ‘English Kardashians’. 

Thank you for distracting everyone from my shit-show of a government, May tells Meghan

THERESA May has thanked Meghan Markle for creating a temporary distraction from the never-ending shit-show the Tories have created.

Harry asks Meghan if she'd like to be the subject of future documentaries about what really happened to her

PRINCE Harry has asked girlfriend Meghan Markle if she’d like to be the subject of future speculation about her mysterious disappearance.