Celebrity

Queen And Prince Philip Celebrate 60 Years Of Racial Epithets

THE Queen has paid tribute to her husband as one of Britain's most accomplished post-war racists.

Life Under Mugabe Better Than Life Under Harry, Says Chelsy

FORMER Royal girlfriend Chelsy Davy is to return to Zimbabwe rather than spend another minute underneath Prince Harry, friends said last night.

'Replace My Photo With Bag Of Prawn Cocktail Crisps' Demands Prince

PRINCE, the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince, broke into uncharted mental territory yesterday after instructing his fan websites to remove his photograph.

Brown Congratulates Vorderman's Gigantic Chest

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has sent a special 25th anniversary message to Carol Vorderman's increasingly enormous breasts.

Ant And Dec Sweep Board At Common People's TV Awards

GEORDIE simians Anthony and Declan were the chief recipients at last night's Common People's Television Awards.

Royals Blackmailed Over 'Deformed Prince Under The Stairs'

THE Royal Family is being blackmailed over claims they have been keeping a deformed prince in a cupboard under the stairs.

Paris Hilton Shows Vagina To Firemen

CELEBRITY heiress Paris Hilton is to display her shaved vagina in a heartfelt 'thank-you' to California's brave firefighters.

Ritz Hotel Was Hoovered The Night Diana Died

THE Ritz Hotel in Paris was being hoovered less than an hour before Princess Diana died, according to dramatic video footage.

John Lydon A Fat, Greedy Old C*nt, Says Johnny Rotten

FORMER Sex Pistols frontman Johnny Rotten has launched a scathing attack on Discovery Channel presenter John Lydon describing, him as "a washed-out, cynical old bastard who was only ever interested in the money".

Madonna Meets Peres To Discuss The Steady Erosion Of Her Sanity

THE Queen of Pop has given her backing to Israeli President Shimon Peres, as well as showing him her latest impression of a tree.

Thousands More Forced Out By Jamie Oliver's Face

THE number of people leaving Britain because of Jamie Oliver's face has risen for the second year in a row.

Langham Classed As 'Townshend Category' Child Porn User

ACTOR Chris Langham is expected to quickly revive his showbusiness career after being classed as a "Townshend Category" child porn user.