Ross And Brand To Dig Up Queen Mother

RUSSELL Brand and Jonathan Ross are to team up with the corpse of Queen Elizabeth, the Queen Mother for a new prime-time show.

Public Demands More Celebrities To Be Concerned About

ITV was swamped with phone calls last night as viewers across Britain demanded fresh celebrities to worry about.

Guy Ritchie To Scam Madonna Out Of 500 Grand

GUY Ritchie has refused a divorce settlement with Madonna and is instead planning to scam her out of '500 large' with the help of his Cockney mates. 

Winehouse Blames Crack Addiction On LSD Hallucinations

AMY Winehouse last night blamed her addiction to crack cocaine on a hallucination of the devil she saw while high on LSD. 

Ritchie Could Be Forced To Rely On Talent, Say Friends

BRIT-flick director Guy Ritchie will today begin a new chapter in his life based solely on his own talent.

Brave Kate Nash Battles Tiny Pimple

BRAVE Kate Nash last night admitted she faced the 'fight of her life' after a tiny pimple threatened to devastate a small section of the lower part of her face.

Robert Peston Transformed Into Pure Energy

BBC business editor Robert Peston last night attained transcendence before converting himself into pure energy.

Kaplinsky Rubs It In

MILLIONAIRE TV presenter Natasha Kaplinsky last night released photos of the perfect baby boy she has had with her millionaire husband.