Celebrity

Davos Celebrates Another Year Of Frantic Masturbation

THE small Swiss town of Davos was last night celebrating another successful year of A-grade horseshit and frenzied wanking.

William Enjoys Another Spiffing Day Out

HIS Royal Highness Prince William was in fine spirits last night after another absolutely spiffing day out.

Tom Cruise Now Terrifyingly Insane

TOM Cruise was celebrating last night as he overtook John Travolta to become Hollywood's most dangerously unhinged psychopath.

Queen Showed Me Her Swastika Tattoo, Claims Burrell

THE Queen carries a Swastika tattoo on her wrist and believes Zionists control the Post Office, Princess Diana's butler revealed yesterday.

Nicole Richie's Baby Heavier Than Her

SIMPLE Life superstar Nicole Richie has given birth to a baby girl almost four pounds heavier then she is.

Queen's Broadcast A Self-Indulgent Mess, Say Critics

THIS year's Christmas message from the Queen has failed to impress the critics with most dismissing it as self-indulgent and boastful.

Ulrika Jonsson To Learn Italian

FORMER TV weather girl Ulrika Jonsson is to begin a crash-course in conversational Italian, she announced last night.

Philip Letters Warned Diana About The Chinese

PRINCE Philip sent a series of crude death threats to Princess Diana which often included thinly veiled attacks on the Chinese, an inquest heard yesterday.