Celebrity
Pippa Middleton's wedding DJ mentally prepared for worst night of his life
THE DJ at Pippa Middleton’s wedding is ready for several hours of sheer hell, he has confirmed.
Ireland accused of blasphemy for questioning Stephen Fry
STEPHEN Fry’s omniscience has been controversially called into question by Ireland.
It is now my duty to say those things, says Charles
THE Prince of Wales has accepted that it is now his duty, following his father’s retirement from public life, to say those things to those people.
Princess Charlotte photo gazed at for less than allotted time
BRITAIN has been accused of staring adoringly at a new photograph of Princess Charlotte for less than the mandatory four minutes.
Ghost of Blair ordered back to the netherworld
THE Archbishop of Canterbury is to exorcise the unquiet spirit of Tony Blair that is haunting the election, he has announced.
Man launches dream career of showing people his arse
A 48-YEAR-OLD man is confident he can emulate the success of Kim Kardashian by showing people his buttocks, he has revealed.
Tom Hardy had no idea man was a thief
A MAN chased down and beaten by Tom Hardy luckily turned out to be some sort of thief, the actor has amazedly admitted.
When can I stop being a wanker? asks weary Ramsay
GORDON Ramsay has asked when he will be allowed to drop his 'tough guy wanker' persona, it has emerged.
- Dalai Lama claims indifference to getting 50k likes for last status update
- Piers Morgan 'to go undercover at Hogwarts'
- Beckham still less of a prick than other footballers
- Media still unable to find photo of Trump looking even vaguely normal
- Radio 4 listener to spend whole of Desert Island Discs pretending not to know who Beckham is
