Celebrity

Royal wedding off after Meghan realises Harry not Ed Sheeran

THE royal wedding has been cancelled after Meghan Markle discovered Harry is not actually Ed Sheeran.

Harry and Meghan’s first royal visit ends prematurely after he accidentally kills someone

PRINCE Harry and fianceé Meghan Markle’s first royal engagement has ended early after he accidentally killed a member of the cheering crowd.

I'm marrying into that reality TV family I told you about, Meghan Markle tells mother

MEGHAN Markle has told her mother that she is marrying into the reality TV family known as the ‘English Kardashians’. 

Thank you for distracting everyone from my shit-show of a government, May tells Meghan

THERESA May has thanked Meghan Markle for creating a temporary distraction from the never-ending shit-show the Tories have created.

Harry asks Meghan if she'd like to be the subject of future documentaries about what really happened to her

PRINCE Harry has asked girlfriend Meghan Markle if she’d like to be the subject of future speculation about her mysterious disappearance.

Stars of Mrs Brown’s Boys hoarding as much money as possible before their audience sobers up

THE stars of Mrs Brown’s Boys are accumulating as much money as possible before their audience sobers up and realises the show is an abomination.

How’s about you at least pay for doing up your own house? Britain asks Queen

BRITAIN has suggested that if the Queen wants to avoid tax she could at least do up her own house with her own money.

Ed Sheeran's arm breaks itself

ED SHEERAN'S right arm has broken itself in a desperate attempt to save the world from his music.

James Corden apologises for his personality

CHAT show host James Corden has confirmed that he is ‘truly sorry’ about his personality.

Rees-Mogg mistakes Mark E Smith for Manchester street urchin

JACOB Rees-Mogg is to adopt Fall frontman Mark E Smith after mistaking him for a Manchester street urchin, it has emerged.

Man with lyrics to ‘How Soon Is Now’ tattooed on his arm starting to think Morrissey may be an arse 


A MAN who has Morrissey’s lyrics tattooed on his body is finally starting to realise the former Smiths frontman is an arsehole.

Rabbit thanks Hefner for making him look like some sort of sex god

A RABBIT has thanked Hugh Hefner for making people think he is a sex symbol, not just a boring herbivore.