BRITAIN has been ordered to look at this delightful photograph and thank the Royal Family for existing.
A MAN is ready and waiting to share his supreme boredom at the forthcoming royal wedding as soon as it comes up.
RAPPER and dickhead Kanye West has claimed Cadbury’s Boost is the best chocolate bar of all time.
THE Duchess of Cambridge has wasted no time in getting a drink down her neck after nine months of being sober.
EVERYONE in Britain would be happy if David Attenborough and the Queen eventually became a couple, it has been confirmed.
THE Queen earns 40 per cent less than Prince Philip despite being the British monarchy’s major draw, it has emerged.
STEPHEN Hawking’s life has reminded everyone that the universe is actually pretty interesting.
THE blood of more than 400,000 lizards has cascaded over Meghan Markle on the altar of an underground church to make her Royal forever.
PRINCE Harry and Meghan Markle are to follow their May 19th wedding with a big shop at the Windsor branch of Waitrose.
CAN an American actress ever match the Duchess of Cambridge’s world-leading skill at speaking briefly to members of the public standing behind a barrier?
ONE of Fergie’s kids, the one with the slightly vacant expression, is to marry a spiv, apparently.
6AM: Meet in car park of Morrison’s, Cromwell Road to catch minibus. Sambuca shots.