Celebrity

Big Fat Indian Woman Refuses To Hug Jonathan Ross

AMMA, the big fat indian woman who has hugged more than 26 million people, has warned Jonathan Ross not to come within 100 metres of her comforting bosom.

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Teddy Row Teacher Calls Dirt-Box 'Jesus'

TEDDY row teacher Gillian Gibbons is a serial blasphemer who refers to her back-passage as 'Jesus', the Daily Mash can reveal. 

Queen And Prince Philip Celebrate 60 Years Of Racial Epithets

THE Queen has paid tribute to her husband as one of Britain's most accomplished post-war racists.

Life Under Mugabe Better Than Life Under Harry, Says Chelsy

FORMER Royal girlfriend Chelsy Davy is to return to Zimbabwe rather than spend another minute underneath Prince Harry, friends said last night.

'Replace My Photo With Bag Of Prawn Cocktail Crisps' Demands Prince

PRINCE, the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince, broke into uncharted mental territory yesterday after instructing his fan websites to remove his photograph.

Brown Congratulates Vorderman's Gigantic Chest

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has sent a special 25th anniversary message to Carol Vorderman's increasingly enormous breasts.

Ant And Dec Sweep Board At Common People's TV Awards

GEORDIE simians Anthony and Declan were the chief recipients at last night's Common People's Television Awards.