Celebrity

Ghost of Blair ordered back to the netherworld

THE Archbishop of Canterbury is to exorcise the unquiet spirit of Tony Blair that is haunting the election, he has announced.

Man launches dream career of showing people his arse

A 48-YEAR-OLD man is confident he can emulate the success of Kim Kardashian by showing people his buttocks, he has revealed.

Tom Hardy had no idea man was a thief

A MAN chased down and beaten by Tom Hardy luckily turned out to be some sort of thief, the actor has amazedly admitted.

When can I stop being a wanker? asks weary Ramsay

GORDON Ramsay has asked when he will be allowed to drop his 'tough guy wanker' persona, it has emerged.

Dalai Lama claims indifference to getting 50k likes for last status update

THE Dalai Lama has claimed that he is not bothered about getting 50,000 ‘Likes' for his last Facebook post.

Piers Morgan 'to go undercover at Hogwarts'

PIERS Morgan plans to use his 'skills as a journalist' to discover the truth about a controversial school he claims was founded by JK Rowling.

Beckham still less of a prick than other footballers

DAVID Beckham's hacked emails have revealed that he is far less of a prick than most footballers.

Media still unable to find photo of Trump looking even vaguely normal

NEWS outlets are unable to find a picture of Donald Trump where he doesn't look like an absolute maniac, it has been confirmed.