Celebrity

We will abolish the monarchy if we hear one kind word about immigrants, says Sun

THE SUN has confirmed that if the Queen dares breathe one compassionate word about immigrants she is fucking gone.

Assange’s weird dreams shaping reality

JULIAN Assange’s weird dreams are controlling our reality.

Cameron gets job in artisan coffee shop

DAVID Cameron has become a barista in an independent coffee shop until he gets his ‘head space’ together.

Grown man dressing like Prince George

A 34-YEAR-OLD man is wearing the same outfits as three-year-old Prince George of Cambridge, his shocked colleagues have reported.

Thing happens to Kardashians that has absolutely no relevance to your life

SOMETHING has happened to the Kardashians that does not affect you because they are strangers and you will never meet them.

William Hague hoping to get blame for Jolie divorce

WILLIAM Hague is keen to be implicated in the break-up of Angelina Jolie’s marriage.

Pippa Middleton reveals plan to infiltrate and then destroy upper classes

PIPPA Middleton has confirmed plans to destroy the aristocracy from within.

National service re-introduced for Youtubers

COMPULSORY military service has been brought back for young people who have a large following on YouTube.

Cameron arranges nightmarish midweek pint with Jamie Oliver and twat from Blur

DAVID Cameron is planning to go to the pub tonight with Jamie Oliver and that cheese twat from Blur, Britons have been warned.

Pert skimpy assets derriere beach fun

PERKY posterior beach body confidence ample cleavage, it has emerged.

This is a new low for me, says 'gate' suffix

THE -gate suffix, used for political scandals since 1972’s Watergate, has admitted that yesterday’s Traingate is a new low. 

Team GB athletes caught smuggling precious metals into UK

BRITAIN’S Olympians have brought shame upon the country by attempting to smuggle rare metals from Brazil.