Celebrity

Thing happens to Kardashians that has absolutely no relevance to your life

SOMETHING has happened to the Kardashians that does not affect you because they are strangers and you will never meet them.

William Hague hoping to get blame for Jolie divorce

WILLIAM Hague is keen to be implicated in the break-up of Angelina Jolie’s marriage.

Pippa Middleton reveals plan to infiltrate and then destroy upper classes

PIPPA Middleton has confirmed plans to destroy the aristocracy from within.

National service re-introduced for Youtubers

COMPULSORY military service has been brought back for young people who have a large following on YouTube.

Cameron arranges nightmarish midweek pint with Jamie Oliver and twat from Blur

DAVID Cameron is planning to go to the pub tonight with Jamie Oliver and that cheese twat from Blur, Britons have been warned.

Pert skimpy assets derriere beach fun

PERKY posterior beach body confidence ample cleavage, it has emerged.

This is a new low for me, says 'gate' suffix

THE -gate suffix, used for political scandals since 1972’s Watergate, has admitted that yesterday’s Traingate is a new low. 

Team GB athletes caught smuggling precious metals into UK

BRITAIN’S Olympians have brought shame upon the country by attempting to smuggle rare metals from Brazil.

Women strongly opposed to Nicole Scherzinger

WOMEN are opposed to Nicole Scherzinger, it has been confirmed.

Man claims vague relationship with every Team GB medallist

WAYNE Hayes has worked with, played football against, babysat and lived next-door to each and every Great British Olympic medalist, weary colleagues have revealed.

180,000 new Labour members thought they were getting Beyonce tickets

THE 180,000 new registered Labour supporters thought they were buying exclusive front-row access to a Beyonce gig.

Off you f**k, Queen tells Cameron

THE Queen has assured David Cameron that he was her worst prime minister ‘by miles’.