Feminism Causes Global Warming, Say Experts

WOMEN who know their place emit less carbon dioxide than uppity madames with so-called careers, it was confirmed last night.

Worse than Hitler

The Institute for Studies found that staying at home with children and not driving a stylish city-car produced a smaller carbon footprint than rushing around in a natty suit while using a mobile phone to arrange marketing strategies.

Professor Henry Brubaker said: "Woman who know their place are on average 40% less carboniferous than women who think they are just as good as me.

"In fact, I would suggest that Islamic dictatorships who forbid women to drive on pain of stoning will one day be seen as the heroes of the ecological movement."

Professor Brubaker said the emissions caused by decent women were sustainable, including Friday night sex with a low energy light on, though more work was needed to control the pollution caused by the baking of delicious pies.

And he stressed that women had a crucial role to play in the fight against global warming, adding: "Let's not forget that men can only save the planet if we have a clean shirt and a decent breakfast."

But chippy feminist Nikki Hollis criticised the report, adding: "It is every woman's right to drive a Freelander and fly to New York for business shopping.

"We can only achieve true equality when we can stand shoulder-to-shoulder with men, look at the cataclysmic destruction of the world's ecosystem and proudly proclaim that at least half of it was our fault."

But Professor Brubaker insisted: "While Ms Hollis makes some interesting points, it's not getting the tea made is it?"