LONDON is now smothering its residents literally as well as metaphorically.
NOBODY has starved to death so far despite a desperate lack of courgettes reaching British shores.
HEAVY snow or hardly any snow are both a great excuses for a massive whine, the UK population has confirmed.
A LOBSTER is dismayed to have ended up in the frozen food section of Lidl, he has confirmed.
THE Met Office has thanked your dad for keeping people up-to-date with the weather via Facebook.
SCOTLAND is experiencing bad weather for the first time in its history.
MANY sheep have extreme political views, it has emerged.
A CAT is acting tough because of being outside.
A RAT that is 'the size of a normal rat' has been sighted.
MUMS are treating the fairly cold weather as if it were lethal radiation, it has been confirmed.
FLOODING in places that have never suffered flooding before is now an annual pre-Christmas event, it has been confirmed.
BRITAIN has once again found itself unprepared for snow as it has been since the beginning of recorded history.