OPPONENTS of solar power have been having an excellent morning.
THE brief period of darkness which has just passed across the UK counts as Friday night, meaning it is now Saturday and everyone can go home.
WHATEVER it is you are doing with a wet wipe needs to stop immediately, experts have warned.
BRITAIN'S national bird is Orville, the ultimately unsuccessful duck.
CONSERVATIONISTS have defended controversial plans to release 300 terminators into the wilds of Scotland.
SO-CALLED ‘suburban’ rats are appalling bourgeois snobs, it has been claimed.
MEN with hairy backs have given up trying to fit into civilisation and gone back to the woods from whence they came.
The UK is facing deflation after suffering a slow puncture somewhere near Kidderminster, experts have confirmed.
THE Met Office has warned that southern England is about to be hit by the sort of cross-fire hurricanes not seen since Mick Jagger was born.
LONDON renters are hoping for enough snowfall to fashion their own crude igloo-style dwellings.
AN earthquake centred in Rutland has left Midlands towns a bleak, devastated, landscape of nothing but Poundstretchers and Costa Coffees.
THE world has greeted news that the Doomsday Clock stands at three minutes to midnight by reaching sleepily out and pressing the button that shuts it up.