THE heatwave set to hit the UK this weekend will see the country’s bins reeking even worse than bins in Ibiza, weathermen have announced.
THE Conservative MP accused of assaulting a Greenpeace protester has apologised to fellow dinner guests for not using lethal force.
PRIMARY school children with half a term’s learning about climate change have discovered it is a brilliant way of annoying the sh*t out of everybody.
THE middle lane has been voted British Motorway Lane of the Year.
BRITONS are cheering themselves up during the rainy weather by remembering it will make the lives of festivalgoers a misery.
IS THE bad weather only happening to you? Does everyone else need to hear your wild overreactions to heavy rain? Try these:
EXPERTS are urging the public to take care during this weekend’s hot weather due to a sharp rise in dickheads.
BRITAIN has chided itself for unrealistically hoping that the central heating might be off as early as the end of May.
WITH catastrophic climate change on its way, responsible people like you need to act fast. Here’s what you’d definitely be doing if it wasn’t too much hassle.
THE traditional ice-cream van and the double threat it brings to school gates – diesel fumes and sugary snacks – may soon be just a memory. But how can you sustainably repurpose your Mr Whippy?
THE British public has admitted it is hesitant about backing climate activists Extinction Rebellion in case they are the new Limp Bizkit.
A LETTER by a father to his baby daughter explaining why he chose roast dinners, frequent flying and a fast car over her future has gone viral.