Environment

I will never give up, vows dog on 78th attempt to get stick through door

A DOG struggling to get a big stick through a front door will neither leave it outside nor change his strategy, he has confirmed.

Beluga whale in Thames changes route after discovering price of pint in London

THE Beluga whale spotted in the Thames has changed course after finding out the price of a London pint.

Everyone had forgotten this country is freezing cold most of the time

EVERYONE had forgotten England is generally absolutely freezing, it has emerged.

Man swimming with dolphins thought they would do more

A MAN swimming with dolphins thought they would do more, he has confirmed.

Cats wondering why they didn't try teamwork before

A GROUP of cats has belatedly discovered it is far easier to get things done if you work as a team.

Fox hunting still number one hobby that's not really a hobby it's just f**king horrible

FOX Hunting is still the number one hobby for people who need to realise it is not a hobby it is just nasty, it has been confirmed.

Small birds 'need to lay off the carbs'

BIRDS would be a lot better at flying if they lay off the carbs, it has been claimed.

No-one admitting rain is perfect Brexit metaphor

NOBODY is admitting that the awful weather that everyone seemed to want but is turning out to be a huge pain in the arse is the perfect metaphor for Brexit, it has been confirmed.