Environment

Man horrified to discover walk 'not to pub'

A MAN who agreed to go on a country walk was shocked to discover it did not involve a pub, he has revealed.

Middle class couple forced to make 'Sophie's choice' between wood burner and SUV

A MIDDLE CLASS couple are making an agonising decision about whether to continue poisoning the air with their stove or their massive vehicle.

Stupid arse fly can't get out of wide-open patio door

A FLY is somehow trapped in the living room of a house despite being guided towards an open patio door.

Another glorious sunny f**king Monday

THE UK has woken up to yet another glorious, sunny, complete waste of decent weather because it is a Monday. 

Spider leaving your shit house to move up property ladder

THE spider who lives in your house is moving somewhere nicer, he has confirmed.

Rural hipster only shops in smaller Londis

A VILLAGE-BASED hipster ignores his nearer and larger Londis because it has ‘sold out’, he confirmed.

Not all of UK is enjoying a heatwave, says Scotland yet again

PEOPLE who live in Scotland have stressed, once again, that the UK is experiencing a partial heatwave.

We're not weird, say fish

FISH have spoken out against the widely-held supposition that they are weird.