Five moronic things to say every time there's a heatwave

A HEATWAVE in Britain guarantees inane conversations about the weather. Here are some things to say to help you join in.

Builder understands woman's house in way husband never will

A BUILDER'S intimate understanding of the structural details of a house is making a woman question whether her husband will ever be able to satisfy her again.

Your guide to where you should and shouldn't urinate

DO you have difficulty distinguishing between a legitimate place to relieve yourself and the kind of monument you claim to be defending?

Family love visiting tranquil countryside and f**king it up with litter

A FAMILY who went on a long-anticipated trip to beautiful countryside loved it so much they couldn’t be f**ked to take their litter home.

Britain driving like a bellend

DRIVING like a bit of a bellend is completely acceptable at the moment, Britons have agreed.

'We will hunt you down like dogs' is new slogan of Welsh Tourism Board

THE Welsh Tourism Board has launched a new campaign warning English people that if they cross the border they will be hunted down by irate locals. 

Kids on nature walk couldn't give a shit about it

A GROUP of children on an enriching nature walk could not have given less of a shit about it, they have confirmed.

Global pandemic just the push man needed to mow the lawn

A GLOBAL pandemic locking down a third of the world’s population has finally motivated a British man to mow the lawn.

The boomer's guide to not being responsible for climate change

BABY boomer? Feel unfairly attacked by the younger generation for the state you’ve got the world in? Here’s how to how to explain it definitely wasn’t your fault.

Chlorinated chicken insists it just likes being clean

CHLORINATED chicken has protested at its demonising by the UK media, insisting there is no shame in being clean.

Month's weather to happen in an hour

THE weather for the whole of the next 30 days is to take place in a single hour this afternoon, forecasters have confirmed. 

Mum just so f**king excited about daffodils

A MOTHER is absolutely losing her sh*t at seeing daffodils blooming again, her family have confirmed.