FOXES get off on people hearing them having loud sex, they have admitted.
TURKEYS across Britain have agreed that we should stop discussing what kind of Christmas we are going to have and just get on with it.
A WOMAN is strolling over to the flower market to select which plant will spend the next month slowly dying in her flat.
PACKS of wolves should be reintroduced to London to curb unmanageable population growth, experts have claimed.
THE world’s ‘oldest intact shipwreck’ must have a hole in it somewhere or it would not be a shipwreck, experts have reasoned.
CHINA’S burning coal faster than its children can sew on sequins, Bitcoin’s gobbling up electricity faster than a fan heater in a damp bedsit, and the bloke up the road’s just bought a three-litre BMW SUV.
A WOMAN refusing to remove her winter coat despite it still being quite warm out is sweating like a pig, she has admitted.
A CAT has woken up on the roof of a random car after an all-night drinking session, it has emerged.
AN UPPER class woman is obviously in love with her horse, it has been confirmed.
PUB pool tables are at risk of becoming an endangered species, experts have warned.
A DOG struggling to get a big stick through a front door will neither leave it outside nor change his strategy, he has confirmed.
THE Beluga whale spotted in the Thames has changed course after finding out the price of a London pint.