A MIDDLE-aged man who cannot load a dishwasher has dismissed Greta Thunberg as a 'useless waste of space'.
A WOMAN has discovered her neighbours' recycling bins are more interesting than anything on Netflix.
FORECASTERS have warned that the current cold weather will continue as long as Britain remains an island betweeen continental Europe and the Atlantic during winter.
A COUPLE concerned about their carbon footprint have confirmed they are more than happy to give up their third child.
A MAN uses his pockets exclusively as a place to store his rubbish.
PRODUCING carbon emissions that impact the environment is an unfortunate side effect of simply being alive, it has emerged.
A COMMITTED vegan has carved a tearful sorry note into a pumpkin for what it has had to suffer.
ARE you a Daily Mail reader? Is your hatred of Extinction Rebellion furious, irrational and entirely uninformed?
THE natural world is going to hell, but it can’t be your fault because you read the Guardian. Here are seven ways to blame everyone else.
TEENAGE climate activist Greta Thunberg is in deep shit after a teacher spotted her on television when she should have been in third-period maths.
THE government has admitted that otherwise inexplicable ‘forest school’ sessions in primary schools are preparation for hard Brexit.
VEGETABLE gardeners are pleading with Britain to please, for the love of sweet Jesus Christ on a bike, take some of these courgettes.