AFFLUENT professionals could be forced to use town centre fried chicken outlets as over-population makes Waitrose-style food increasingly scarce.
OIL giant BP has been accused of manipulating an image of a Gulf of Mexico pelican to show the bird giving the 'thumbs-up'.
TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.
THE ruptured oil pipe in the Gulf of Mexico has been capped just minutes before everyone realised it had all been their fault.
SUPERFLUOUS wildlife is still hampering vital progress in the logging and fast food industries, it was claimed last night.
GLOBAL warming is probably being caused by ghosts, climate scientists claimed last night.
BEAVERS are to be renamed 'riverdogs' after zoologists finally conceded defeat to the overwhelming forces of sexual innuendo.
SHOPPERS are being offered the chance to use ethical purchases to 'offset' acts of unspeakable foulness.
TREES will not uproot themselves and embark on blood-soaked killing sprees by 2035, global warming experts have admitted.