Environment

UK's Love Of Dishwashers Outweighs Fear Of Cancer

BRITAIN is to build a new generation of nuclear power stations after consumers said their love of dishwashers outweighed their fear of cancer and four-headed babies. 

World Smells Better Than At Any Time Since 1850

THIS year has been the best smelling since global smell records began, the United Nations confirmed last night. 

UK Launches Crackdown On Foreign Wind

THE government has unveiled ambitious plans to end Britain's dependence on foreign wind by 2020.

Brown Orders Nation To Bottle Farts

GORDON Brown has escalated the war on climate change after branding the plastic bag, 'the carrier of choice' for Al Qaeda and paedophiles.

Most Willing To Lie About Green Lifestyle Changes

MOST people are ready to tell enormous lies about the personal sacrifices they will make to halt climate change, the latest Daily Mash poll reveals.

Bag Ban Forces Residents To Throw Their Shopping Home

SHOPPERS in the village of Minchinhamptonsteadbury have been forced to throw their goods home after a total ban on bags.

Children Warned Not To Suck On Hybrid Car Exhausts

CHILDREN have been warned not to suck on the exhaust pipes of hybrid cars amid fears they may not be 100% safe.

Gore Film Is 'Inconvenient Bollocks' Says Judge

AL Gore’s climate change film An Inconvenient Truth is actually bollocks, a High Court judge ruled yesterday. 

People who know how to f**king park on brink of extinction

DRIVERS who can position their car in the middle of a parking space at a supermarket are sliding closer to extinction, conservationists have warned.

Cameron Shoots Toaster

TORY leader David Cameron last night sought to bolster his green credentials by taking his toaster into the street and shooting it at point blank range.

Diana Tribute: Millions Unite To Spell Out 'We Miss You' In Gigantic Letters

BRITAIN is being urged to come together to spell out "we miss you" in letters so huge that Princess Diana will be able to read it in heaven.

Poor People To Eat Carbon Under U.S. Climate Plan

RICH western countries will export their carbon in the form of tasty buns and cakes for the consumption by people in the Third World, under a radical new proposal.