Anger At 'Tweethop' Plans For Birdsong Radio Station

FANS of a radio station broadcasting birdsong have attacked plans to play urban-themed 'Tweethop' music in which some of Britain favourite species rap about killing the police.

Survivors To Enjoy Glorious Summer, Says Met Office

BRITAIN'S small band of pork flu survivors can look forward to a hot, dry summer, the Met Office confirmed last night.

Casual Racism Can Save Environment, Say Experts

TANK tops, everyday racial abuse and Larry Grayson could all help tackle climate change, according to a report urging a return to 1970s lifestyles.


RSPB Gives Surprise Backing To Gigantic Bird Mincers

THE RSPB surprised conservationists last night by calling for the immediate construction of a UK-wide network of gigantic bird mincers.

Tediousness Of Climate Change Pundits Underestimated

THE ball-wrenching tediousness of climate change pundits is worse than previously thought, it has been claimed.

So, Where's All The Fucking Grit? Asks Britain

PEOPLE across Britain contacted their local councils yesterday to ask what in the name of fuck has happened to all the grit.  

Motorists To Remove Wing Mirrors As Government Abandons Road Widening Plan

MOTORISTS will be told to make their cars thinner as the government tries to squeeze as many lanes as possible into Britain's motorway network.

Pope Calls For Cap On Gay Emissions

POPE Benedict has called for a renewed global effort to cap the level of gay emissions.