Environment

'24' Recycles Plots To Cut Carbon Footprint

KIEFER Sutherland's hit show ‘24’ is to be produced using plot twists and dialogue entirely recycled from previous episodes to make it into the world’s first carbon neutral television programme.

Patrick Duffy Challenges Putin Claim To Arctic Seabed

PATRICK Duffy, the Man from Atlantis, is to launch a legal bid on behalf of millions of sea creatures to prevent a Russian takeover of the deep.

Recycling Centres To Provide 'Wife-Banks'

LOCAL authority recycling centres across the UK are to offer a drop-off service for old or faulty wives.

Smell Of Piss Removed From Trains By 2014

THE unbearable stench of stale urine will be removed from all mainline and suburban rail services by 2014, the transport secretary said yesterday.

Brown Unveils Plans For Underwater Society

PRIME minister Gordon Brown has unveiled ambitious plans to build 50,000 homes at the bottom of England's biggest lakes.

Sun 'Nothing To Do With Earth's Climate' Say Boffins

THE Sun has “no influence whatsoever” on how hot the earth is, according to a new scientific study by Glasgow’s Clyde University. 

Vegetarians' Gas Now 'Biggest Cause Of Global Warming'

VEGETARIANS are being urged to eat each other after it emerged their own gas was now the major cause of global climate change.

Brown 'Frantic With Worry' Over State Of Britain's Lawns

THE long spell of wet weather has prompted Prime Minister Gordon Brown to order a full-scale review of the nation's lawns.

James Blunt To Be Sacrificed In Spectacular Live Earth Finale

SINGER-songwriter James Blunt is to be sacrificed in a symbolic gesture of climate change solidarity at the end of this weekend's Live Earth spectacular.

Scots Demand Huge Increase In Global Warming

A MAJORITY of Scots are backing a total reliance on fossil fuels in a bid to deliver up to three months of t-shirt weather every year.

Boffins Unveil World's Smuggest House

SCIENTISTS yesterday unveiled what they claim will be the world's smuggest house. 

Climate Change Link To Gingers

THE first clear link between ginger hair and climate change has been established by scientists at Dundee University.