RSPB Gives Surprise Backing To Gigantic Bird Mincers

THE RSPB surprised conservationists last night by calling for the immediate construction of a UK-wide network of gigantic bird mincers.

Tediousness Of Climate Change Pundits Underestimated

THE ball-wrenching tediousness of climate change pundits is worse than previously thought, it has been claimed.

So, Where's All The Fucking Grit? Asks Britain

PEOPLE across Britain contacted their local councils yesterday to ask what in the name of fuck has happened to all the grit.  

Motorists To Remove Wing Mirrors As Government Abandons Road Widening Plan

MOTORISTS will be told to make their cars thinner as the government tries to squeeze as many lanes as possible into Britain's motorway network.

Pope Calls For Cap On Gay Emissions

POPE Benedict has called for a renewed global effort to cap the level of gay emissions.

Hippies Annoying

HIPPIES were today banging on about petrol again even though we already get it and would just like to go skiing.

Chops Better Than Planet

A UNITED Nation's plea to reduce meat consumption was rejected last night as millions decided planet Earth was not as good as some nice chops.

The Communities Living In Fear Of Global Warming Scientists

MORE than half of all communities in Britain are being terrorised by gangs of global warming scientists, it was claimed last night.