PLASTIC-free aisles in supermarkets are to be used like singles bars by committed environmentalists, it has emerged.
PEOPLE who insist the days are getting longer are leaving a trail of psychological destruction across Britain.
I HAVE always been a passionate supporter of the environment. Trees, ditches, wasps – these are all truly wonderful nature things.
TURTLES have told the government to stop messing around, raise the plastic bag charge to £1 and send the cash straight to them.
A FRENCH mountain is covered in snow and smug, excitable arseholes, it has emerged.
THE owners of a ginger cat are entirely unaware that it is locally notorious an absolute mental bastard.
TREES in the new Northern Forest will have a large number of grievances and think southern forests are looking down on them, it has emerged.
BRITAIN was awash with stupid hats, it has emerged.
DAILY Express readers are spending another day trapped indoors by imaginary snowdrifts.
BIG birds have hit out at the ‘blatant discrimination’ of bird feeders designed only to be used by smaller species.
LONDONERS have been warned to brace themselves for severe delays on roads and railways for months to come following yesterday’s 20-minute flurry of snow.
A REBELLIOUS slug has been found gliding confidently across a kitchen floor long after it should have gone back to wherever slugs live.