Environment

Britain doing shit it would never do if it wasn't hot

BRITAIN is throwing itself into murky ponds and wearing bright yellow shorts just because it is hotter than normal, it has emerged.

Christ on a f**king bike, it’s boiling though, confirms Britain

BRITAIN has confirmed it is panting like a dog and that hot weather is stupid and wrong.

Trump pulls out of 21st century

DONALD Trump has pulled the US out of the liberal consensus of having a ‘2’ at the beginning of the year.

Climate in Paris seemed fine to me, says Trump

DONALD Trump is to pull out of the Paris climate accords after visiting Paris and judging the weather to be perfectly lovely.

Dog struggling to understand concept of dignity

A DOG has been left confused after the concept of dignity was explained to him.

Temperature perfect for one minute at 9.19am

BRITAIN enjoyed a full minute of optimum sunshine this morning before everyone started moaning about the heat.

Tory fears as fox spotted on top of horse

TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing  after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.

Urban foragers say ‘F**k this' and go to Waitrose

A GROUP of middle-class ‘urban foragers’ were forced to use a supermarket to acquire food that was actually edible, it has emerged.