A MAN has awoken on his sofa with the front and back doors propped open and a formerly frozen bag of sweetcorn on his head.
THE UK would embrace common ownership of the means of production if it meant decent air-conditioning.
BRITAIN is throwing itself into murky ponds and wearing bright yellow shorts just because it is hotter than normal, it has emerged.
BRITAIN has confirmed it is panting like a dog and that hot weather is stupid and wrong.
DONALD Trump has pulled the US out of the liberal consensus of having a ‘2’ at the beginning of the year.
DONALD Trump is to pull out of the Paris climate accords after visiting Paris and judging the weather to be perfectly lovely.
A DOG has been left confused after the concept of dignity was explained to him.
BRITAIN enjoyed a full minute of optimum sunshine this morning before everyone started moaning about the heat.
TORY fears of a brutal fox insurgency are growing after one of them was spotted trying to ride a horse.
A GROUP of middle-class ‘urban foragers’ were forced to use a supermarket to acquire food that was actually edible, it has emerged.
A COUPLE are claiming that their furniture is placed based on Chinese principles of harmonious living, not where the plug sockets are.
A FAMILY have spent the holidays giving their National Trust cards an absolute f**king hammering.